The Things I Promise to Never Change

I hate how emotional I am.

It's 10pm on a Wednesday night. I have on a rerun of "Four Weddings", and I'm crying my eyes out in my empty apartment while Caleb is at work and our roommate is God know's where. I wouldn't be able   to pick these women out of a crowd, but I'm crying at their weddings. Theres a few things in life I can't handle: Weddings, Births, Deaths--you know-- all of life's major events.

I finally found some downtime for myself, so I'm watching wedding stuff on TV, while playing on pinterest. While scrounging through my friends recent pin's, I came across one blog called "16 ways I blew my marriage". The title grabbed my attention and so I clicked on it. It sums up the story about how a family gave wedding advice to another family member on the eve of her wedding. The blog writer had no advice. He had two failed marriages, and giving advice didn't seem proper, so instead he gave his sister advice that he had wish he known then that he knows now or done differently so he didn't end up divorce twice.

The list took me by surprise, and as I read through them, I started thinking of how sometimes the little things end up meaning the most. Below are some of the ones I really liked, that I can promise to never change long after Caleb and I say, "I do".

#1- Never stop holding hands- Caleb and I always hold hands. When we walk to the car, when we walk around a store, while we drive and sometimes while we are even on the motorcycle. I promise to never stop holding his hand. There is nothing that we cannot conquer in this world; as long as we have each other's hand.

#2- Don't stop trying to be attractive- I would hope that Caleb desires me because I've made myself desirable. When Caleb and I met when I was at the peak of losing weight. I never gave up trying to be the best person that I could be. Fitness has become such a huge part of my life, and I so, I promise to never let myself go. I want my husband to be as proud of me years down the line as he is of me now for all that I have accomplished. 

#3- Don't always point out their weaknesses- Though, this doesn't seem to be a problem in our relationship now, there is no need to focus on the areas of improvement. If you did this with someone while you were dating, chances are the relationship wouldn't last too long. Why would anyone thing that if you constantly pointed out someone's weakness in a marriage that the marriage would last? I promise to keep building my husband up, and not break him down. If there is an area for improvement that is having a negative effect on our relationship, we can discuss it knowing that we are just trying to build the best marriage possible. 

#4- Don't stop cooking for Each other- Truthfully, I wish this was something that Caleb did more often for me, but he does make me some INCREDIBLE bacon. I would treasure nothing more though than to have him prepare a dinner for me, sometime. But, because of our work schedules, it just doesn't work out that way. I get the opportunity over the weekends to prepare him food, for which he is always grateful. I promise to continue to prepare Caleb's meals, and send him to work with lunch as often as our schedule allows. 

#5- Don't yell at your spouse- This one is my favorite by far. This isn't to say yelling in the terms of arguing (which is a whole other point in itself), but instead of trying to get each other's attention by yelling for each other, take the time to get off the couch, pause your t.v. show or video game if you need or want something. I promise to make my husband a priority. If that includes me walking away from something that I find enjoyable to give him the attention he deserves, I will do it. 

#6- Don't stop kissing- The amount of times we kiss each other now, is absurd. We are forever locked by the lips, and I'm sure it has to drive people crazy! But, I don't ever want to get so comfortable around each other that we forget to kiss each other throughout the day, or when we captivate one another. We began our relationship with a kiss, we began our engagement with a kiss, and we will begin our lives as Husband and Wife with a kiss.  I promise to kiss him in the morning- morning breath and all. I promise to kiss him during the day; when I come home from work, or when he comes home from work. I promise to kiss him at night, and all the hours in between. 

#7- Don't only show affection when you want 'something'- A woman shouldn't be touched by her man simply when he wants sex. A woman shouldn't show affection to her man when she wants a new material possession, or when she wants sex. Show affection to each other when you want to remind each other that you love them. I promise to not only dote on my husband when I am wanting something. I promise to show him affection throughout all ups and downs that our life my be blessed with. From simply laying with him on the couch, holding his hand (see #1), kissing each other (see #6),  or a back rub, or back scratch. 

#8- Don't stop trying to woo each other- Many times in our relationship Caleb and I have surprised each other. I've been surprised with my Kindle Fire, and surprised him with an entire weekend date. I don't want to lose the essence or importance of these types of things after we have become husband and wife. I promise to never stop showing Caleb and my gratitude and appreciation for him in all ways, including gifts, or romantic get-aways. 

#9- Don't emotionally distance yourself after a fight- Or, another favorite saying of mine, "never go to bed mad". We are far from a perfect couple, and we do have our fights. One of our greatest abilities, is to let it go shortly after it has happened. Yet, we both can be so strong headed and never apologize (mostly because our arguments are so tedious!). Emotionally distancing yourself after an argument or fight just throws a wedge your relationship, and causes further turmoil. We both should be able to swallow our pride, not only for ourselves, but for each other and for our union. I promise to never let a fight get so bad that I can't swallow my pride and say I'm sorry or accept an apology from my spouse. I promise to not emotionally distance myself from you in the heat of the moment, and I promise to not go to bed when I am upset or have something on my mind that needs to be discussed. 

Without a doubt, some of these can begin being worked on now. Like I mentioned, I am far from perfect, but can only hope to have my idea of a "perfect" marriage. I can only hope that he can make the same promises to me, as I will make to him. Though, the list extends far greater than these nine, these are just some of the promise I intend to keep in all the years of marriage. Until death do us part.

100 Questions You Should Ask Your Spouse Before Marriage.

This is something I will definitely be finding the time to do with Caleb. There's some tough questions on here, and some that I already know the answer too, but we've done several of these types of questions in the past and I think this would be important for us to touch on. Stay tuned for how it turns out.

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100 Questions to Ask Before You Get Married

Bethany Grow of LoveTheGrows.com adapted from

Don’t You Get Married Until You Read This! The Book of Questions for Couples

by Corey Donaldson

Sex/Romance/Love
If we eliminated physical attraction from our relationship, what would be left?
What is the best way for me to show that I love you?
If I put on weight, will it affect our sexual relationship? How?
Is it important for you to know that I am/am not a virgin? Why or why not?
What do I do that causes you to question my love?
What turns you off sexually?
How would our relationship be affected if for medical reasons we could not have children?
Do you think being in love means: (1) Never having to say you're sorry, (2) Always having to say you're sorry, (3) Knowing when to say you're sorry, or (4) Being the first to say I'm sorry?

The Past
Which childhood experiences influence your behavior and attitude the most?
Could any feelings of affection and romance be revived if you met a previous boyfriend/girlfriend even though you feel strongly committed to me?
Is there anything in your past I should be aware of?
What did you dislike the most about your previous partners?
If your past boyfriends/girlfriends listed your most negative characteristics, what would they be?
Do you keep letters and memorabilia from past relationships? Why or why not?
Are you comfortable continuing this relationship if there are things in my past that I am not willing to share with you?
Have you ever been involved in any criminal activities? What were they?
Did your mother or father abuse each other or you in any way- sexually, emotionally, or physically?
Have you ever been able to overcome a bad habit? What was it?
Have you ever been violent in past relationships?

Trust
Have there been times when you were uncomfortable with the way I behaved with the opposite sex? If so, when and what did I do?
What do I do now or what could I do in the future that would make you mistrust me?
Would you be comfortable transferring all your money into my bank account?
Who comes first, your spouse or your children?
Is trust automatic until something occurs that takes it away, or does it evolve over time?
Do you trust me with money?
Is it permissible for us to open each other's mail?

The Future
How are we different? Could this be a source of future conflict? Do our differences complement each other?
Do you anticipate maintaining your single lifestyle after we are married? That is, will you spend just as much time with your friends, family and work colleagues? Why or why not?
How did your family resolve conflicts when you were growing up? Do you approve or disapprove of that method? what will you change or not change to resolve conflicts in your future family?
Is there anything about marriage that frightens you?
Would you prefer to live in the city, the country, or by the beach? Why?
If I wanted to move away from our families for work, would you support me?
How would it affect you if I travel on my own frequently to (1) visit family, (2) earn income, (3) pursue a hobby, or (4) deal with stress?
Suppose we are experiencing trouble in our marriage. In what order will you seek help from the following to resolve our conflicts: (1) divorce lawyer, (2) your parents, (3) a brother or sister (4) a marriage counselor, (5) me, (6) a church leader? Why?
How will you support my hobbies?
How do you feel about having our parents come to live with us if the need arises?
Is there anything you would regret not being able to do or accomplish if you married me?
How will we schedule holidays with our families?

Children
If we are unable to have children, should we adopt?
Do you anticipate raising our children (1) the same way you were raised (2) completely differently from the way you were raised (3) a mixture of both?
How long would you like to wait before having children?
Other than formal schooling, what types of education will our children get and how will they receive them?
When we have children, who will change the diapers, heat the bottles, prepare the meals, do the housework, bathe the child, get up in the middle of the night when a child is crying, take the child to the doctor, buy clothing, and dress the child?
What types of discipline would you implement to correct a child's or a teenager's behavior? Were these practices you experiences or are they new ones you have developed on your own?


Annoyances
If I had bad breath or body odor or wear dirty clothes, will you tell me? Should I tell you? Why or why not? How should we do it?
What is nagging? Do I nag? How does it make you feel?
DO you approve without reservation of the way I dress?
What does my family do that annoys you?
Would it bother you if I made body noises all the time, like passing gas or burping?
Is there anything you do in your line of work that I would disapprove of or that would hurt me?
Do you believe that you should stick with a marriage if you are unhappy all the time?
When do you need space away from me?

Communication
Whenever we have difficult feelings about each other, should we (1) remain silent, (2) say something as soon as the difficult feelings arise, (3) wait a certain amount of time before raising the issue, or (4) do something else? If so, what?
If you always say you are going to do something but never do it, what is the most effective way to bring this problem to your attention?
What did you admire about the way your mother and father treated each other?
What is the best way for me to communicate difficult feelings about you so that you are not offended?
Who should know about the arguments we have?
What makes you not want to talk to me?
Do you feel you could communicate with me under any circumstance and about any subject?

Finance
What justifies going into debt?
What are all your current personal debts?
Do you feel stress when facing financial problems? How do you deal with that stress?
How often do you use credit cards, and what do you buy with them?
How should we prepare for a financial emergency?
Do you feel that lack of money is a good reason not to have children?
When our child is born, will he or she go to daycare or will one of us stay home to take care of the child? Who will it be?
Will we have a budget?
Who will pay the bills?
How do you feel about helping me pay my debts?
What are your feelings about saving money?
Do you prefer separate bank accounts or assets in different names? Why?

Miscellaneous
How would you rank all the priorities in your life: work, school, family, spouse, friends, hobbies, and chuch? Does your ranking reflect the amount of time you spend on each?
Are you closer to your mother or father? Why?
Do you prefer a set daily work schedule or flexible work activities and timetables?
What do you fear?
What influence, if any, do you believe my family should have on our relationship?
Do you believe that our parents should know our financial condition, whether good or bad, just because they want to? How far should this go?
What are your views on pornography?
How would you react if our son or daughter told us they were gay?
Do you harbor any racial prejudice?
How do you feel about having guns in our home?
Is there anyone close to you who feels we should not get married? Why? Should we this?
What health problems do you have?
Have you ever had any psychological problems?
When you are in a bad mood, how should I deal with it?
Do you like pets?